5 Evil Responses to Noisy Neighbors

*WARNING* This post is not intended for those without a dirty sense of humor. If you are possessed of Victorian sensibilities, read no further!

The original title I was going to give this was "Evil Things To Do When The People In The Room Below You Are Having Inconsiderately Noisy Sex" but it wouldn't fit. I thought I should address this because it's a rather common problem when one lives in a dormitory with fifty odd stressed-out people at the peak of their reproductive abilities. And it can be unpleasant. There you are, memorizing the muscle structures of salamander mouths, when suddenly your amphibian reverie is interrupted by singularly mammalian noises that you really don't want to have to listen to, know or THINK about. And closing the window does NOTHING. Cue rage.

The lovely webcomic xkcd has one suggestion but not all of us can obtain an elliptical reflector dish and a noisy girlfriend on short notice.

Before I proceed, I must add that I have only used one of these, and that was because I had a final the next day and it was the second time it had happened that night (and it was late. *grumble*). I accept no liability for injury of any sort resulting from the use of these responses.

1. Wait till they shut up, then applaud.

2. Play 'You Can Be as Loud as the Hell You Want' from Avenue Q. LOUDLY.

3. Shout 'FINISH HER!' (suggestion from a friend).

4. Make embarrassing noises of your own and gradually make them weirder and weirder (helps if you have a friend).

5. Email them above xkcd comic. Just because you don't have an elliptical reflector dish YET doesn't mean that you WON'T... (And it'd work so well with #4)

Now that I've gotten that rage!post out of my system, I'll return to the salamanders. A batch of them don't even have internal fertilization...