I have always struggled with math.
No, let me correct that. Struggling implies a degree of success and competence. It does not quite cover the tantrums, anxiety attacks, and utter bewilderment that have dogged every mathematical venture. I have not, for the most part, had great difficulty with other parts of my schooling, so my difficulty in preforming even the most basic of arithmetic has been confusing and distressing. I hoped I was dealing with some sort of learning disability; otherwise, this implied that all my issues with math were my fault. I was either lazy, and refusing to try with something I didn't like very much, or I'd just talked myself into being bad at math by repeatedly telling myself that I was. I got my first F on a test in 6th grade math, and it took me two years to complete my high school precalculus course.
Until this last year, I never pursued getting tested for a learning disability. I could function in high school math classes; I could even get As because I actually did the homework. But my first quarter of college changed that.
I took Chem 1A, and then Chem 1B. And even with the assistance of a brilliant tutor, and doing all of the assignments, and starting to study weeks before the test, and going to CLAS (university provided group tutoring) sessions, I barely scraped through with Cs. I'd never gotten a C before in my life. I decided that enough was enough, and went to get tested.
Friday, I got the results back. Apparently, I have a 'math disorder', which sounds like I need to take antibiotics for an integer infection. My ability in mathematics is 1.5 standard deviations lower than that in other subjects.
I'll get a lot of help with classes that require math. If I want one, I'll have a note-taker (!), and a private room to take my test in (!!), and extra time (!!!). But none of these really compare to my relief. I now know that it's not my fault. I know that I need to work around something, and now I've been given tools to do it. I can stop being scared of people thinking that I'm a bad student when I do badly on subjects that require math.
If you're struggling with a subject, getting things wrong that you were certain were right, if the rules seem arbitrary, if 24 and 42 are the same number to you, I'd encourage you to get tested. If you do have a learning disability, it'll get you help.
My friend,i know how you feel, Im glad you get the proper accommodations. I too have a math disorder as well as reading. So I get acComdatuons for everything. I hope all of those things help, and remember Einstein also had dyslexia. Also know that Any accomplishment can make your friends proud...
ReplyDeleteThe rules always seemed rather arbitrary to me. I do second getting tested if you're trying and struggling and failing. DSP or DSPS (Depending on your school) has a surprising range of services to help. Plus, it's free and if you get a notetaker and/or a separate room with a proctor, other students get paid to help. Personally, I've always been fond of the separate room thing because it's usually a conference room and having a conference table is a huuuge difference from those little 12x12 desks. And. There's no cough-cough-fidget-squeeeeaaaak-cough-thud throughout the test. A lot of the time the profs will be really flexible about when you take the test too.
ReplyDeleteJust for fun, if you're curious about the neurological basis of math-related learning differences (and/or learning differences in general), I highly recommend looking through the book "the mislabeled child" by the Drs. Eide. I'm glad your school was so helpful in granting you the appropriate accommodations!
ReplyDelete